Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond & Support for Mamas on Bedrest, thru post partum.

When Love Hurts: Domestic Abuse in Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a time when a couple should be savoring their time together while eagerly anticipating the arrival of their new little one. Sadly for some couples, pregnancy becomes a time of increased stress and ends in abuse-both physical and emotional.

Reasons for Domestic Abuse During Pregnancy

The most common reason for abuse during pregnancy is that it is a continuation of pre-pregnancy abuse. Women who are abused prior to pregnancy are at increased risk of being abused during the pregnancy. Domestic abuse during pregnancy is also the result of:

• Stress related to the pregnancy-especially if the pregnancy was unintended.
• Financial concerns regarding the pregnancy, delivery and subsequent addition to the family
• Change in the partner’s relationship, especially insecurity and/or jealousy of the father regarding mother’s divided time and increased attention to the baby.

How Common  is Domestic Abuse in Pregnancy?

The March of Dimes and other resources state rates of domestic abuse during pregnancy reach as high as 25% of all pregnancies. Abuse of pregnant women occurs in all ages, races and ethnic groups and in all socioeconomic levels.

What is Considered Abuse?

The abuse can range from name calling, verbal insults and controlling/isolating behavior to pushing, hitting, punching, kicking or choking. While emotional abuse is extremely stressful, physical abuse can be extremely harmful-even deadly to mother and baby. If you are unsure if you are in an abusive relationship, ask yourself the following questions:

• Does my partner always put me down and make me feel bad about myself?
• Has my partner caused harm or pain to my body?
• Does my partner threaten me, the baby, my other children or himself?
• Does my partner blame me for his actions? Does he tell me it’s my own fault he hit me?
• Is my partner becoming more violent as time goes on?
• Has my partner promised never to hurt me again, but still does?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are in an abusive relationship and need to get help-if not for yourself, then do it for your baby.

Effects on Mother and Baby

Abuse certainly has detrimental effects to both mother and baby. For mother, the increased and persistent stress can cause her to withdraw. She may begin missing prenatal appointments and thus not getting much needed care for herself and her baby. She may not eat well or sleep well and is at increased risk of depression. If the abuser is controlling, she may have lost contact with family, friends and loved ones. Isolation is an integral part of abuse as it keeps women from seeking and obtaining help. It also helps hide the physical signs of abuse-if there are any.

If mother has any sort of chronic disease, these will likely get worse and can cause complications for both mom and baby. Mother may not be taking necessary medications or getting necessary treatments so her overall physical health is compromised. Hence the energy and nutrients she has to give to her baby are also compromised.

The added stress is no better. When mom is stressed, so is baby. Additional stress has been linked to preterm labor,  miscarriage and even still birth.

Physical abuse is quite possibly the most dangerous form of abuse. In addition to the overall physical injuries a pregnant woman may sustain, physical blows to a pregnant woman’s belly can result in placental damage or abruption, vaginal bleeding, injury to the fetus, preterm labor or even miscarriage.

What To Do

First and foremost, if a pregnant woman (or any woman) is at risk for domestic abuse, she needs to get help.

Start by speaking with your obstetrician or midwife (if you can speak with them alone). Health care providers often have access to resources or people on their staff can help you get help.

Contact your local police department if you feel you are in immediate danger.

Find a safe place to stay where you can get help. This may be with a good friend, neighbor or family member. You may be able to get help from your church or other civic organizations. If woman’s shelters are available in your area, contact them to see if they can assist you.

Gather some of your things, especially important documents such as bank account numbers, credit card information, prescriptions, etc…Have a bag ready and easily accessible in the event you have to leave abruptly. You may even want to have them somewhere outside your home (at a friend’s home for example) in the event that you have to flee unexpectedly.

Domestic abuse during pregnancy is more common than many of us realize. However, it is not normal and need not be tolerated. Help is available from the resources below.

National Council of Child Abuse and Family Violence
http://www.nccafv.org

Alliance for Children and Families
http://www.alliance1.org

Stop Abuse for Everyone
http://www.safe4all.org/resource-list/

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org

This post was compiled using data from The March of Dimes, Cyberparent.com and Women’s Healthcare topics.com

Tags: dads, pregnancy, Resources, self care, support
Posted in Prenatal Health Maintenance, Relationships | No Comments »

9 Ways a Mama on Bed Rest can Say “I Love You!” this V-Day

Let’s face it, bed rest is a killer to your love life. All month I have been offering ways for you and your partner to “Keep the Love Alive”. Now here we are, just a few days from Valentine’s Day,  and you may be thinking, “Shoot, I’m stuck here on bed rest. How can I make this day special?”

Well, I’m glad that you asked. Sitting over breakfast I too was thinking of how to make this a special day for my own “hunny bunny”. As per usual, I am running late for the train, so I was thinking of things that I could order for quick delivery. So here are 9 ideas that I came up with over my breakfast taco and chai tea. If you use one for your “hunny” send a comment and let me know how it turned out!!

9 Valentine Ideas for Mamas on Bedrest to share with their partners

1. Send flowers. Yeah, kinda screams “I forgot” but at least you remembered in time to order something.
2. Edible Arrangement. The company that bears the name will deliver a beautiful arrangement composed of fruit. If you choose certain arrangements, you can have chocolate dipped fruit (strawberries, bananas, etc…) or hunks of chocolate on skewers added to the arrangements. www.ediblearrangements.com
3. Luv’s Brownies. I add this one because it belongs to a friend out in my beloved San Jose, CA. Aundrea Lacey is the owner and founder of Luv’s brownies (www.luvsbrownies.com) and has taken brownies to another level. You can order brownie cakes, brownies in coffee mugs, she’s written a book…If it’s brownies your love likes, they will love Luv’s Brownies.
4. Candy. Believe it or not, candy (namely chocolate) is still an all time favorite for Valentine’s Day. No longer is it just Lammes or Russell Stover’s. If you go to Candygram.com, you can order a wide range of candy items and have them shipped directly to your honey. Won’t that be a nice little “pick me up” to their day at the office??
5. Massage. Okay, this is if you want to spend a little change. Now if you’re feeling the love, you’ll arrange to have a local massage therapist come out to your home and give your honey a relaxing massage. But if you’re like me, no one is allowed to be massaged in my home without me! Solution, order a couple’s massage. It’s really great. 2 massage therapists arrive at your home, will bring their tables and you and your honey can be massaged at the same time. If that’s too pricey, you can still have the massage therapist do you both in tandem. In any event, it’s sure to please!!
6. Pajamagram. My husband ordered me one of these a couple of years ago, I think for my birthday and I got a real kick out of it. Pajamagram.com has a whole catalogue of pajamas that you can order and they will ship them in the cutest boxes, sometimes with cute little accessories and all. Wouldn’t your honey look cute in a pair of boxers??? You may not be able to “touch” but hey, a little eye candy never hurt anyone!
7. Personal Chef Services. There’s nothing like a really good home cooked meal. Now that you are on bed rest, you can’t give your honey that special “luvin’ from the oven!” But a personal chef can do that and more. After a consultation (and this can be done over the phone!) the chef will go grocery shopping, arrive at your home with their own cutlery and cookware, cook a sumptuous dinner and prepare it for service. Many personal chefs will also bring table cloths, china, flatware, candles….Check in the catering sections of your local listing to see if there are personal chefs in your area and see what types of services they offer.  Bon Appetit!
8. Portrait Photography. If this is your first baby, this will be the last time you and your partner will be a “duo” for many years to come. Why not capture the moment? There are many photographers that specialize in  pregnancy photography, of if you prefer, you can do something a bit more formal of you and your partner. If your children are anything like mine, they’ll enjoy looking at such photos of themselves in “mama’s tummy.”
9. Write love letters to one another. With all of the hoopla surrounding your pregnancy and ensuing bed rest, it’s easy to forget that it was love that brought you to this very moment in time.  Take a moment to remember those things that made you fall in love with your partner; a smile, a laugh, special times spent together. Write them all down in a keepsake letter. Choose beautiful paper and perhaps a spritz of your favorite perfume or oil. It’s guaranteed to be something they’ll cherish.

Tags: bed rest, comfort, dads, massage, Relationships, Resources
Posted in Keep Busy on Bed rest, Relationships, Resources | No Comments »

“O” or Oh no! The effect of bed rest on an intimate relationship

During pregnancy intercourse, and more particularly orgasm, can be the most intense a woman has ever experienced. Because of the increase in blood supply during pregnancy, a woman’s perineum and sexual organs are all engorged (filled to the brim) with blood and this engorgement results in heightened sensitivity. Many women report that some of the best sex they’ve ever had was while they were pregnant. And while many may worry about the effects on the growing baby, you’ll be happy to know that an orgasm does not at all harm the baby. Even though the uterus contracts, the growing baby is so well insulated in the amniotic fluid and the strong, muscular uterus they experience mama’s orgasm as a soft ripple in the waters.

Pregnancy can also have a negative effect on a woman’s sexuality. Many women lose all interest in sexual intercourse while pregnant due to hormone  fluctuations causing a significant drop in libido. Lack of desire can also be due to the usual aches and pains of pregnancy, fatigue, nausea, the additional weight and change in body configuration leaving many women less than in the mood.

No one can predict how a woman will feel sexually while she is pregnant. Some women who enjoy robust sex lives prior to pregnancy lose all interest once they become pregnant. Likewise, more reserved women may begin initiating sexual intercourse during pregnancy. Even from pregnancy to pregnancy women report variations in their sexual libidos. They may be insatiable during one pregnancy and completely uninterested during the next.

But what about bed rest? Can women on prescribed bed rest engage in sexual intercourse? Unfortunately, most women on prescribed bed rest are advised against engaging in sexual intercourse.  Since an orgasm results in rhythmic contractions of the pelvic organs, a woman at risk of preterm labor absolutely must avoid such activity. Even without the added pregnancy intensity, anything that can cause uterine contractions and lead to preterm labor must be avoided. Some indications for bed rest may allow for some sexual activity. Gestational diabetes and hypertension (but not pre-eclampsia) for example, may require modified bed rest yet may allow for (limited?) sexual activity. When a woman is prescribed bed rest, she should ask her obstetrician or midwife specifically what her  limitations are when it comes to sexual activity

As we previously established, intimacy is a very important component of an adult relationship. It may seem like a bed rest prescription means the death of intimacy-at least for the duration of the pregnancy. But nothing could be further from the truth! Intimacy is the act of sharing between a couple; spending time enjoying one another, exchanging private thoughts and emotions, engaging in activities that they find mutually enjoyable. This can still happen between a pregnant woman and her partner.  Likewise, while intercourse may be prohibited, not all physical contact is taboo. Consider these alternatives:

• a back and shoulder massage
• a foot massage
• brushing each others hair
• deep kissing

Bed rest is not all bad for a relationship. Bed rest may actually usher in a new phase of intimacy for a couple as their efforts to find alternative ways to share intimate moments work to draw them closer.

Tags: bed rest, contractions, pregnancy, self care, sexuality
Posted in Relationships, Surviving bed rest, preterm labor and prematurity | No Comments »