Surviving bed rest
Words of Wisdom from Mamas on Bed Rest
February 10th, 2010
I was working in my own little funk the other day when I decided to take a break. I went over to the online message boards that I frequent to see how the mamas on bed rest are doing, how they are supporting one another and to learn any new information or tips.
One post in particular really touched my heart. A mama-to-be had finally gotten pregnant after 2 years of trying. Now it seems that her cervix is shortening and is a centimeter shorter than where it should be for this point in her pregnancy (second trimester about 22 or 24 weeks). She was asking anyone who read her post to please pray for her health and for the health of her baby, for her cervix to stop shrinking, for preterm labor not to occur and for her baby to be born healthy. She was starting bed rest.
Bed rest sucks! No doubt about it. But I am constantly amazed and humbled at how mamas on bed rest stay focused, stay positive and stay supportive of one another. I am honored that I get to work with and support such incredible women. The beauty that I have seen is that women on bed rest, after the initial shock and anxiety, really pull it together and make it through. At the same time they support one another, encourage one another and are invaluable resources for one another – all while on bed rest!
After reading through the responses to her post, I compiled this list of tips mamas on bed rest recommend to help keep your spirits up and to help you to press forward when your situation is scary and out of control. Strangely enough, this list can be applied to any situation that is difficult, not just being on bed rest, and I find myself drawing strength from their words. Here are words of wisdom from mamas on bed rest how about how to survive and beat bed rest.
- It’s okay to be sad. All the mamas agreed that their initial response to their bed rest prescription was anxiety and sadness. They were all very concerned about the health of their babies and sad that there was little else that they could do to make the situation better. They acknowledged the sadness but quickly moved on.
- Steel your resolve. As one mama put it, “I just told myself, whatever I have to do to get this baby here I will do!” All of these mamas fully intend to bring home healthy babies and have set their minds to do so. As so many psychologists and coaches say, “the mind directs the body. ” These kids are well on their way.
- Perk up. The mamas all recommended that you surround yourself with positive things while you are on bed rest. Make sure your “living space” is cheerful and that you have all you need handy. As much as possible engage in activities that keep your spirits up. Invite people to come and visit you. Watch movies and do crafts with your children. If it makes you happy and content, do it.
- Get Support. Along the same lines, mamas on bed rest recommend that you get support. Get help with the household duties, your children and your pets. Arrange to get those things that must be done done and forget the rest!
- It’s not over ’til it’s over! One mama said, (and I’m paraphrasing) “I am going to do all that I can to hold my baby in my arms. I’m not giving up, no way! As long as I am here and my baby is inside me, I’m going to keep going. It’s not over ’til it’s over!” We all know that sometimes things don’t turn out well for mamas on bed rest and babies don’t make it. But I really liked this mamas attitude. She wasn’t going to give in to negativity and she wasn’t going to give up until she had a clear reason to so. Now that’s strength.
These mamas on bed rest showed me that situations are what they are, but we don’t have to let them rule us. You can become very sad and give in to the fear or you can acknowledge that the situation is tough and then do all that you can to press on towards your goal. If mind over matter can be applied to mamas on bed rest, we’re going to be welcoming many babies in the very near future.
(Photo courtesy of PregnancyToday.com)
Post a comment on how to stay positive while on bed rest.
“O” or Oh no! The effect of bed rest on an intimate relationship
February 4th, 2010During pregnancy intercourse, and more particularly orgasm, can be the most intense a woman has ever experienced. Because of the increase in blood supply during pregnancy, a woman’s perineum and sexual organs are all engorged (filled to the brim) with blood and this engorgement results in heightened sensitivity. Many women report that some of the best sex they’ve ever had was while they were pregnant. And while many may worry about the effects on the growing baby, you’ll be happy to know that an orgasm does not at all harm the baby. Even though the uterus contracts, the growing baby is so well insulated in the amniotic fluid and the strong, muscular uterus they experience mama’s orgasm as a soft ripple in the waters.
Pregnancy can also have a negative effect on a woman’s sexuality. Many women lose all interest in sexual intercourse while pregnant due to hormone fluctuations causing a significant drop in libido. Lack of desire can also be due to the usual aches and pains of pregnancy, fatigue, nausea, the additional weight and change in body configuration leaving many women less than in the mood.
No one can predict how a woman will feel sexually while she is pregnant. Some women who enjoy robust sex lives prior to pregnancy lose all interest once they become pregnant. Likewise, more reserved women may begin initiating sexual intercourse during pregnancy. Even from pregnancy to pregnancy women report variations in their sexual libidos. They may be insatiable during one pregnancy and completely uninterested during the next.
But what about bed rest? Can women on prescribed bed rest engage in sexual intercourse? Unfortunately, most women on prescribed bed rest are advised against engaging in sexual intercourse. Since an orgasm results in rhythmic contractions of the pelvic organs, a woman at risk of preterm labor absolutely must avoid such activity. Even without the added pregnancy intensity, anything that can cause uterine contractions and lead to preterm labor must be avoided. Some indications for bed rest may allow for some sexual activity. Gestational diabetes and hypertension (but not pre-eclampsia) for example, may require modified bed rest yet may allow for (limited?) sexual activity. When a woman is prescribed bed rest, she should ask her obstetrician or midwife specifically what her limitations are when it comes to sexual activity
As we previously established, intimacy is a very important component of an adult relationship. It may seem like a bed rest prescription means the death of intimacy-at least for the duration of the pregnancy. But nothing could be further from the truth! Intimacy is the act of sharing between a couple; spending time enjoying one another, exchanging private thoughts and emotions, engaging in activities that they find mutually enjoyable. This can still happen between a pregnant woman and her partner. Likewise, while intercourse may be prohibited, not all physical contact is taboo. Consider these alternatives:
- a back and shoulder massage
- a foot massage
- brushing each others hair
- deep kissing
Bed rest is not all bad for a relationship. Bed rest may actually usher in a new phase of intimacy for a couple as their efforts to find alternative ways to share intimate moments work to draw them closer.
Maintain Intimacy While On Bed Rest
February 1st, 2010A pregnancy ushers in a new era for a couple. First pregnancies in particular while usually welcomed, completely change the dynamic between partners. For many couples, the pregnancy heightens intimacy and they are surprised to find that they enjoy some of the most sensational sex of their relationship. But when a pregnancy is high risk and complicated by bed rest, sex-and intimacy- can quickly become a distant memory.
For a woman with a high risk pregnancy and on prescribed bed rest, sexual intercourse is very likely the furthest thing from her mind or the mind of her partner. Usually both parents-to-be are consumed with the health and well being of mother and baby and refrain from sexual intercourse fearing injury to the baby. However, this is one time when intimacy, emotional intimacy and not physical intimacy, is essential. Due to the stress surrounding a high risk pregnancy and bed rest it is important that partners set aside time to be intimate, to care for one another as lovers and friends, throughout the pregnancy in spite of the bed rest. I want to be clear, I am not telling high risk pregnant couples on bed rest to engage in sexual intercourse. Whether or not they can engage in sexual activities is something that they need to discuss with their obstetrician or midwife. I am encouraging couples to maintain intimacy-specifically, emotional closeness.
So how does this work? If a couple cannot have sex, how can they be intimate? I realize that many people reading this post will ask this very question. But let’s look at what it means to be intimate. Webster’s dictionary defines intimate as “most private or personal; closely acquainted or associated; very familiar.” In our culture intimacy or the act of being intimate has been relegated to a purely a physical act, that of sexual intercourse. However by the dictionary’s definition, intimacy or the act of being intimate means more than just physical intimacy. It also means to be close; sharing private thoughts and emotions and holding those thoughts and emotions in a special place between the two people involved.
Research shows that couples who master the art of maintaining intimacy during pregnancy and maintain intimacy after the baby arrives have a higher probability of long term success. These couples know that taking time to be alone together and to nurture their own connection is critical to their very survival as a couple. Even with a bed rest prescription, these couples still share private thoughts, feelings, emotions and some abridged form of a physical relationship and as a result “keep the home fires burning.”
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I encourage couples coping with bed rest to nurture their intimate relationship. You may want to have an intimate candle light dinner, listen to music together, talk, watch a favorite move or just snuggle. Whatever it is that draws you closer, do it. Remember it’s that love that you shared that created the little one that you so anxiously await. And as precious as that little one is, it should never eclipse the intimacy that the two of you share.
