New Moms
Mamas on Bedrest: “2011 A Horrible, Wonderful Year” A Mama’s Triumph Over Adversity
January 4th, 2012Mamas are the most resilient people that I know!
After going through fertility treatments, Paige, @babydust on Twitter and the author of this post, is a mama to a 3 year old little girl and darling twin baby boys. Now a SAHM (stay at home mama), many would think that Paige “lives the life”. But her journey was anything but easy. Paige’s story epitomizes an all too common scenario for Mamas on Bedrest. Yet, despite its troughs and pitfalls, Paige prevailed.
For those of you “going through” I share Paige’s story with you (with her permission) to show you that you are not alone in your trials and to show you that there can be a happy ending. Paige has an awesome blog called Baby Dust Diaries. I highly recommend you take a look. Thank you so much Paige for sharing your story!
2011 A Horrible, Wonderful Year
Ah 2011. What can I say about you? My first reaction is that 2011 SUCKED BIG TIME. I mean at least 70% of the days of this year were some of the hardest of my life. And yet, in all the ways that really matter, you know those ways that will matter in 5, 10, 20 years, 2011 was full of life-changing blessings. I mean I welcomed two baby boys into my family AND I became (at last) a stay at home mom.
I guess the problem was, as will most things, my blessings came with much blood, sweat and tears. I started the year with an extended hospital stay to keep my babies from being born too early. Hospital bedrest is misery. Seriously.
Yet, it was a blessing because it kept my boys a-baking for a crucial extra month!
Even though my eventual goal was to be a SAHM it would probably have taken a few years for my hubby and I to get to that point. And then Psycho Boss (PB) entered the picture. I can’t even describe the continuous harassment I endured at this person’s hands. The examples would be endless and cause me stress just in the remembering. Worse yet, the process that is supposed to protect employees from Pregnancy discrimination failed me miserably. At every turn I had people shocked at the treatment I endured and agreeing that it had to end. Then when I finally sought formal relief it is like the “machine” that was my agency responded by getting its hackles up. Talking about an issue is one thing – actually filing a complaint? In hindsight, the minute I formalized my complaint my career was over. Even if I had won (or especially if I had won) I would have been blacklisted. It became a witch hunt. No one denied the discrimination but everything else became a problem. In the end, a job that I loved and had always been family friendly, ended because I couldn’t attend a 6PM meeting with 3 hours notice. They actually laughed (yes, LAUGHED) when I said I’d need a days notice to change my child care arrangements. It wasn’t about that meeting it was about punishing me for complaining.
Ugh! Enough of that! Just talking about it is going to give me nightmares tonight (luckily the daily nightmares are now just weekly, they’ll go away, right?) My point is that it was demoralizing in the extreme. I couldn’t sleep or eat I had a constant headche and stomach ache. I had no energy to parent. I considered hurting myself although I don’t think I was suicidal. It certainly combined/exacerbated/triggered severe post-partum depression. It was the second worst thing that has ever happened to me.
Yet, I had asked God to help me stay home with my kids and he sure did. The circumstances were less than ideal but I got my wish. I’m sure that 5 years from now I’ll be so glad I quit my job. Maybe I’ll even be thankful for PB? Nah.
An added problem was that I couldn’t talk about any of this on the blog. I get even angrier at PB when I think about him taking away my voice, my outlet. Holding back what was really going on in my life made any writing impossible. You can’t build a partial dam, know what I mean? THEN I got hacked and it felt like a punch in the stomach. Here my one solace – my blog – was being taken away.
Sob. Sob. I know it might sound pathetic but it was a very difficult year. I’m glad it is over and I look forward to looking back on it as a huge transitional point in my life for the better. I also hope to NEVER relive it!
Mamas, you can make it! Our roads are not typically easy, but as Paige shows, they are often well worth the struggle. Congratulations to Paige for her beautiful children and for finally becoming the SAHM she wanted to be.
Would you like to share your Bedrest story with other mamas? We’d love to hear it and share it! Share your story or a link to it at info@mamasonbedrest.com and give us the full attribution so we can credit you. Your stories are what keep other mamas who are still “on the road” trodding.
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Mamas on Bedrest: Comparison is the Cruelest form of Self Sabotage
January 2nd, 2012Over the past couple of days, various people that I follow on twitter and facebook and whose blogs I read were reporting their blog stats and business successes. They all seemed to have had “banner” 2011’s. I didn’t have a bad year, but it was nothing to brag about (so I thought). I was feeling down and beginning to slump into that negative speak, i.e. “I’m not doing anything special, so why bother.”
For me, 2011 was a year of ups and downs. I blogged a lot and for my efforts my blog was named one of The top 50 Pregnancy Blogs (#38) by Babble.com. Color me surprised! How many days did I write a blog only to wonder, “Is anyone even reading this thing?” Someone was!
I attended BlogHer (sponsored by Hologic, Inc) and had the opportunity to meet many of the women bloggers I so admired. I also found myself a sought after blogger for the issues of mamas, pregnancy and maternity/paid leave advocacy.
I had the opportunity to talk with and interview a number of phenomenal people all working on behalf of mamas and babies. Kim Updegrove is the executive director of Mother’s Milk Bank Austin and she shared with us the lifesaving qualities of donor breastmilk. Beth Jackson Gagne is a mama who developed the BabyStayAsleep infant sleep system out of her own frustration dealing with her son’s reflux. Founder and Executive Director Elan McAllister shared with us her non-profit passion, Choices in Childbirth, that advocates for women having the ability to birth the way that they choose. Psychologist Dr. Diane Sanford shared with mamas the importance of self care. Kim Hollins, a college senior, shared with us her passion for early childhood education and the development of African American children. And we capped off the year with an interview with the extraordianary midwife and childbirth educator, Jennie Joseph.
But for me, my greatest moments were speaking with mamas themselves! Brenda Torigiani shared her personal story on developing life threatening Peripartum Cardiomyopathy and gave us all a wonderful education on the condition. Charisse Mora-Medina, a mama to a preemie and now someone I’m proud to call friend, shared her rollercoaster experience of having a very premature infant and the subsequent care of a fragile child and now rambunctious toddler. And then there are the tens of hundreds of mamas with whom I’ve had the great pleasure and honor to share and speak into their lives during their pregnancies. It is a heady experience to speak with a mama in Australia or Ireland or to receive an e-mail from a mama in the UK and the many mamas here in the US. (Thank God for Social Media!!)
It’s so easy to compare myself to people who’s blogs are pulling in thousands of people per day or month or year and to feel inadequate. It’s easy to feel meager in the face of companies who are boasting thousands of dollars in sales. I created Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond to serve mamas and to provide support for a high risk pregnant mama’s life. Obstetricians and Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialists work to ensure that mamas deliver healthy babies and stay healthy in the process. They don’t address how she’ll maintain her job, how she’ll pay her bills, who will clean her house or buy her groceries or how she will care for children she already has. They don’t readily address her fears or anxieties. Obstetricians and Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialists take care of patients. That’s a good thing. I like to think that I take care of “Mamas”- and all that being a mama encompasses. I’ll continue to tweek Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond to better serve mamas who need my services. But mostly I will continue to work with and for mamas because I like doing it.
So if you find yourself comparing your pregnancy to your friend’s (who isn’t on bed rest) and feeling inadequate. Stop! Don’t compare your cervical length to that of another mama’s on a forum. Don’t beat yourself up because medications stopped one mamas contractions and you delivered early. Comparison is the cruelest form of self sabotage. It makes you feel badly and hides you from your greatness. So stop it, Mama! (And that’s a word as much to me as to you!!)
Mamas on Bedrest: Introducing “Early Minority” with Kim Hollins
December 14th, 2011I’m an African American Mama trying to raise her 2 African American children in this crazy “melting pot” called America. Now in grade school and learning “American History”, my children have questions race, culture and why it’s been such an issue. Often I have no answers.
Which is why I was so excited to “tweet” Kim Hollins (on Twitter, @EarlyMinority). A Senior Human Development and Early Education student, Kim is setting up a non-profit organization, Early Minority, to address issues of race and culture in the development of young African American Children. Please visit her website for more information or contact Kim directly at Kimberly@earlyminority.org.
