self care
When Love Hurts: Domestic Abuse in Pregnancy
February 23rd, 2010
Pregnancy is a time when a couple should be savoring their time together while eagerly anticipating the arrival of their new little one. Sadly for some couples, pregnancy becomes a time of increased stress and ends in abuse-both physical and emotional.
Reasons for Domestic Abuse During Pregnancy
The most common reason for abuse during pregnancy is that it is a continuation of pre-pregnancy abuse. Women who are abused prior to pregnancy are at increased risk of being abused during the pregnancy. Domestic abuse during pregnancy is also the result of:
- Stress related to the pregnancy-especially if the pregnancy was unintended.
- Financial concerns regarding the pregnancy, delivery and subsequent addition to the family
- Change in the partner’s relationship, especially insecurity and/or jealousy of the father regarding mother’s divided time and increased attention to the baby.
How Common is Domestic Abuse in Pregnancy?
The March of Dimes and other resources state rates of domestic abuse during pregnancy reach as high as 25% of all pregnancies. Abuse of pregnant women occurs in all ages, races and ethnic groups and in all socioeconomic levels.
What is Considered Abuse?
The abuse can range from name calling, verbal insults and controlling/isolating behavior to pushing, hitting, punching, kicking or choking. While emotional abuse is extremely stressful, physical abuse can be extremely harmful-even deadly to mother and baby. If you are unsure if you are in an abusive relationship, ask yourself the following questions:
- Does my partner always put me down and make me feel bad about myself?
- Has my partner caused harm or pain to my body?
- Does my partner threaten me, the baby, my other children or himself?
- Does my partner blame me for his actions? Does he tell me it’s my own fault he hit me?
- Is my partner becoming more violent as time goes on?
- Has my partner promised never to hurt me again, but still does?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are in an abusive relationship and need to get help-if not for yourself, then do it for your baby.
Effects on Mother and Baby
Abuse certainly has detrimental effects to both mother and baby. For mother, the increased and persistent stress can cause her to withdraw. She may begin missing prenatal appointments and thus not getting much needed care for herself and her baby. She may not eat well or sleep well and is at increased risk of depression. If the abuser is controlling, she may have lost contact with family, friends and loved ones. Isolation is an integral part of abuse as it keeps women from seeking and obtaining help. It also helps hide the physical signs of abuse-if there are any.
If mother has any sort of chronic disease, these will likely get worse and can cause complications for both mom and baby. Mother may not be taking necessary medications or getting necessary treatments so her overall physical health is compromised. Hence the energy and nutrients she has to give to her baby are also compromised.
The added stress is no better. When mom is stressed, so is baby. Additional stress has been linked to preterm labor, miscarriage and even still birth.
Physical abuse is quite possibly the most dangerous form of abuse. In addition to the overall physical injuries a pregnant woman may sustain, physical blows to a pregnant woman’s belly can result in placental damage or abruption, vaginal bleeding, injury to the fetus, preterm labor or even miscarriage.
What To Do
First and foremost, if a pregnant woman (or any woman) is at risk for domestic abuse, she needs to get help.
Start by speaking with your obstetrician or midwife (if you can speak with them alone). Health care providers often have access to resources or people on their staff can help you get help.
Contact your local police department if you feel you are in immediate danger.
Find a safe place to stay where you can get help. This may be with a good friend, neighbor or family member. You may be able to get help from your church or other civic organizations. If woman’s shelters are available in your area, contact them to see if they can assist you.
Gather some of your things, especially important documents such as bank account numbers, credit card information, prescriptions, etc…Have a bag ready and easily accessible in the event you have to leave abruptly. You may even want to have them somewhere outside your home (at a friend’s home for example) in the event that you have to flee unexpectedly.
Domestic abuse during pregnancy is more common than many of us realize. However, it is not normal and need not be tolerated. Help is available from the resources below.
National Council of Child Abuse and Family Violence
http://www.nccafv.org
Alliance for Children and Families
http://www.alliance1.org
Stop Abuse for Everyone
http://www.safe4all.org/resource-list/
National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org
This post was compiled using data from The March of Dimes, Cyberparent.com and Women’s Healthcare topics.com
Mamas, The Decision is Yours!
February 19th, 2010Mamas on bed rest may feel that much about their pregnancy is out of their control. But despite being high risk, decisions about your health care and the care of your baby are ultimately still yours! Be sure to fully understand your condition, treatments being proposed and most important of all do your own home work before giving your consent to any treatment or procedure.
Kegels: Essential Exercises for Mamas on Bed Rest
February 16th, 2010
Most women have heard of Kegels and at one time or another have been advised to perform Kegel exercises. But in my experience as a woman’s health professional, I find that many women have no idea what muscles are involved in Kegel exercises and as a result have no idea how to perform one properly. So I offer here a short review.
Kegels are essential exercises for all women, but especially for pregnant women on prescribed bed rest. Mamas on bed rest, with their prolonged inactivity and growing uteri are at increased risk of weakened pelvic floor muscles which will be further stretched and potentially weakened if they vaginally deliver their babies. The results can be urinary incontinence (involuntary loss of urine with coughing, laughing, sneezing), organ prolapse (bladder, uterine or rectal prolapse (bulging or protrusion of the bladder, uterus or rectum through their respective openings to the outside), or decreased sexual sensation due to the lax musculature. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself here. Let me start with the basics and work forward.
Dr. Arnold Kegel developed “Kegel” exercises to help women strengthen the pelvic floor muscles following pregnancy.
Dr. Kegel noted that women frequently became incontinent following pregnancy and found that if they could strengthen the pubococcygeus “PC” muscle (the muscle that is suspended along the pelvic floor like a hammock and holding all of the pelvic organs in place), they could often improve or reverse urinary incontinence as well as bladder, uterine or rectal prolapse. He started teaching his patients how to contract the PC muscle and Kegels were born
So how is a Kegel done? First, you have to be sure that you are working the proper muscles. If you are squeezing and releasing your buttocks, you are probably not working your pelvic floor muscles-at least not effectively. You can be sure you are working the pelvic floor muscles:
- By stopping the flow of urine while urinating. While this is a good way to get to know the pelvic floor muscles and what they feel like when contracted, do not stop the flow of urine ROUTINELY as a way to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. This practice will actually weaken the muscles and cause or worsen urinary incontinence.
- You can look at your perineum and watch as you contract the muscles. If you are performing the exercises correctly, you will see the anus “wink” the perineum move up and down and the clitoris “nod” (thanks to Desiree Andrews of Prepforbirth.com for these great visuals!). This is a great way to see and learn which muscles are working. You can place a mirror on the floor and squat over it to see the muscles or hold a mirror between your legs. However, if you’re pregnant, it may be hard to hold the mirror between your legs and see and this is really hard of you are on bed rest. But for non-pregnant women, this is a good way to start learning how to Kegel.
- You can feel for muscle contractions by placing a finger or two into your vagina and then contracting the pelvic floor muscles around your fingers. Again, once you know which muscles to contract, you can effectively perform Kegels.
- There are devices that one can use to help stimulate the PC muscles. Physical therapists often use such devices when teaching clients how to do Kegels. Additionally, one can buy such devices and learn to Kegel using the devices.
Now once you get the basic muscle contractions down, you can then move on to some “advanced” Kegeling.
Squeeze, Hold, Release : This is just as it states. Squeeze your PC muscle, hold for a few seconds and release.
Elevators: This is an increasing contraction and likened to making floor stops while on an elevator. You begin by lightly contracting your pelvic PC muscle. After about 2-4 seconds, increase the contraction further pulling up the PC muscle. Hold for another 2-4 seconds and then tighten the contraction again. Hold for 2-4 seconds and then release. A variation is to gradually release the contractions holding for 2-4 seconds as the “elevator goes down.”
Quick Bursts: These are just what they say, quick contractions. You quickly contract the PC muscle, say 10 times. Rest for a brief moment and then repeat the series. This should be done several times over the course of about 5 minutes.
Some people recommend that women “Kegel” approximately 20o times a day-performing a variety of contractions. If you Kegel regularly, say 3-4 times a day performing 10 or more Kegels at a time, you will strengthen the PC muscle. But as the saying goes, the more you work a muscle, the stronger it becomes. So if you want to keep your PC muscle strong and have a strong pelvic floor, Kegel often, several times a day and in various situations so that you not only develop pelvic floor muscle strength, but also muscle control which can help prevent incontinence and enhance sexual pleasure.
Note: Second image courtesy of www.menstruation.com.au
